I AM SINGING MY SONG

I am singing the song that I came here to sing.

I am bringing the earth all the joy I can bring.

I am dancing to music composed from above,

vibrations of harmony, beauty and love.

I am keeping my life in a natural key,

so that I may become what I came here to be.

I think, so I am; as I’m living, I find

that my life has a tempo in tune with my mind.

I am feeling those rhythms within and afar,

directing my heartbeat or guiding a star.

I hear the symphony nature plays,

composed in eternal and infinite ways.

I am chanting the song that accompanies birth

of wonder and joy of existence on earth!

Poet Unknown

My journey to wholeness began in Plainfield, New Jersey. 

My mother was bought up in a Christian family, so I spent my childhood going to church.  That involved attending services, prayer meetings, singing in two choirs, teaching Sunday school and attending revivals. More than the foundation for my belief in a higher power, that church is where I first discovered the power of music.  It became my passion and I sang whenever and wherever I could and that is one of the things that has saved me over the years.  

My grandmother, mother and myself at 5 years old

When I was five years old, my mother married my step-father.  Up until that time I had a cadre of loving souls who where my caretakers; my mother, grandmother, grandfather and aunt.   Within the next 8 years, my mother had 6 more children.  

Single picture of me at my 5th birthday party.

My stepfather had a tendency to be violent with my mother, me and my brothers and sisters.  When he became angry, mostly after drinking, he would lash out.  It was not uncommon for him to slap my mother. For us children, being slapped or strapped, became the norm. 

I was always on edge and tried to avoid him. 

One evening, he came home drunk, dragged me out of my bed; took me downstairs and proceeded to rape me.  This continued for a period of time until, one evening, I broke loose and ran upstairs to my mother’s bed.  From that point on, she protected and watched out for me.  This was at a time when it would have been an embarrassment to bring awareness to the situation or call the police and report my step-father.  At that time, I felt that I had done something to bring this upon myself.  My step-dad kept saying to me that I must be giving it away to other boys so it was okay for him to take advantage of me as well. I now know that it wasn’t my fault but it took years to understand that, heal and then be able to forgive.  I didn’t want to carry that shame with me for the rest of my life.

In my 20’s, the way I coped with what had happened was to turn to marijuana and men to escape the pain.  I continually looked outside of myself to find hope and love not realizing that it comes from within. I believed that I would find myself through the acceptance of others.  I had not yet realized that it doesn’t happen that way and I was too afraid to start looking within. 

I got married during this time and had a wonderful and loving son.  When he was 5, I separated from his father and; unfortunately, continued to smoke and try to raise him.  This behaviour continued until I was in my 40’s and I finally realized that I could not continue living this way. I entered a rehabilitation centre in 1986 and I also started going to Narcotics Anonymous and private counseling. 

One of the exercises I was asked to do was to stand in front of the mirror,

each morning and evening, and tell myself how much I loved myself.

Initially I would cry or laugh and feel ashamed. 

Eventually it began to take hold.  

 During this time, I was also in a relationship with a very loving man and we married in 1989.  My addiction continued and years would pass before I came to the realization that I had not and would not become the person I was meant to be if I continued to follow the path I was presently on. I began to honour and love myself.  

My “eureka” moment was the realization that I was losing my life, my husband, my family and friends to my addiction.  Hard as it would be, I knew I had to shake this monkey off my back to become the person that I was meant to be in this lifetime.  It was time to STOP, but how?  The answer came when Rev. Ruth Littlejohn invited me to attend a service at her spiritual community. She had been encouraging me to visit for quite a while before I actually accepted her invitation. I walked in the door and felt right at home, just as I did in my church as a child.  It was a profound moment of spiritual awakening, and in it, I found the power to break free from my spiral.  I began a renewed search for myself, this time through prayer, meditation, affirmations and using spiritual principles. My transformation had begun.  

What followed was a search and rescue mission of healing and forgiveness. My goal was to become the person I truly AM – to evolve into my best self.  I rid myself of the lie that I was not valuable, capable or loveable.  I continually affirmed that I have the right to have a beautiful and prosperous life because I was born great.  I no longer had to look outside myself to find the treasure; it was already inside me.  What I had to do was to accept the qualities that I love about myself and stop feeding myself critical, negative messages as I had done in the past. I finally started claiming my truth.  

Making a change like this was an incredible feat.  As I began to open up, to embrace the beautiful person that I am, I noticed wonderful things began to happen.  I started to truly notice and appreciate the things I was grateful for, and to understand that my negative thoughts and self-image only attracted more negativity into my life.  What’s more, I began to own my own power.  No longer would I let anyone or anything define my experience.  Whatever my dream for my life; it has been placed within my mind and heart because of the Spirit that is within me.  This carries with it everything that is needed to fully and perfectly manifest joy, abundance, love, power and untold treasures in my life.  I totally trust in my higher power, which I choose to call God.  

Through years of work, study and prayer, I have been reborn as a successful musical artist, inspirational speaker, facilitator and above all, a whole person.

Part of this rebirth came when David and I moved to Nova Scotia 29 years ago.  For years, David and I had been looking for a place to live when he retired.  We looked at areas in the United States and Canada.    We finally found a beautiful spot in Nova Scotia.  In this new home, I’ve followed my heart and forged deep connections with amazing people, musicians and spiritual teachings.  Amazing things have happened as a result – artistically and spiritually. 

Around this time, I started taking Centers for Spiritual Living  online classes and in 2004 I became a licensed Religious Science Practitioner (Spiritual coach).  I now teach spiritual practices online and am the present Educational Coordinator and a Remote Practitioner for The Center of Peace in Philadelphia, PA.  I also began to “sing my own song” this time as a real singer; truly finding my voice. 

David and I

Today, I live my life fully because I am awake and eager to let go of  fear — which Ernest Holms refers to as “false evidence appearing real in his textbook The Science of Mind”. That fear held me back for so many years.  I live every moment as the woman I aspire to be.  Love, compassion and forgiveness are my guiding principles.  Faith in goodness – freely given and received – is my pinnacle for success.   

The life lessons I take from my experiences are to follow my heart, follow my dreams and everything will unfold as it should. I don’t let anything or anyone stand in my way and I continue to be true to myself.  That’s how I live a fulfilled life.  My power exists within me.  I know that at the centre of my being is a Divine Person.  This source is my real creative power; it is who I am.  I venture forth with the will to do, the determination to be and a joy in becoming.  I am on the right course. 

I am so grateful for all of the challenges and lesson in my life because I would not be who I am and where I am if they didn’t occur.  My secret to success is to set an intention and not let anything interfere in achieving it.  Know that healing is possible and you are able to overcome it, and not allow it to define you. Truly, this is a journey of healing. At last, I am singing my song for all to hear.  

My son, John, David and I

So many women have experienced violence and rape in their lives and hide their shame and guilt instead to talking to their families, friends, professionals about it.  There are services that support women who are going through this experience.  

Here’s how to respond in a trauma informed way:

• Women’s transitions houses that offer immediate safety, emergency accommodations and trauma-informed support for women and children fleeing violence. – shelters where women can stay for a period of time that offer counseling, outreach programs and other services. Those services include individual and group counseling, mental health counselors who are trained in trauma and abuse recovery, safety planning, legal aid services (for protective orders and custody issues), and outreach programs designed to help women rebuild their lives at their own pace. 

  
  

• Look for transitional and long-term housing options.

  
  

• Culturally-specific support groups for women of colour, immigrants, and LGBTQ2S+ women.  

  
  

• Look for addiction and recovery programs (as abuse and substance use can often intersect).

  
  

• Women can call a sexual assault crisis hot-line and support centres.  They can seek that information by looking is up online or their local telephone book. 

  
  

• Report it to the police – sometimes the court process and going to trial can be traumatic in-and-of itself. Women need someone who can help them navigate that system. It’s sometimes hard to do it on your own. Look for someone who understands gender-based violence and is also trauma trained. For women who have experienced sexual violence, most women’s shelters, coordinate with local sexual assault response teams (SART), provide referrals for medical and forensic exams, and other emotional support throughout any police or court proceedings if the survivor chooses to pursue that path.  

  
  

• Talk to people who know exactly what you have gone through.

• Look for people who know what you should say, i.e. “I believe you; it’s not your fault” and what you should never say, i.e. “If I hadn’t provoked him, it wouldn’t have happened or It was my fault”.  Validate the experience for someone by saying, “I’m so sorry that happen to you, it was not right.” “It was violent and should never have happened and it’s not your fault.” 

  
  

• Victim blaming questions - Never ask someone what were you wearing, why were you out by yourself, or why did you not keep your drink so it couldn’t be drugged; or why did you get drunk?

  
  

• Never be judgmental or accusatory – just open your heart and listen. Accept what they are telling you.

  
  

• Remember, the violence that was perpetuated against you is not your fault, it’s the fault of the person who did it no matter what you did, or where you where or what you didn’t do. 

  
  

• Look for counseling services for the men who are the abusers. 

  
  

My questions to you are:

• What is your role or responsibility if you encounter a woman who has experienced trauma due to violence or rape?

  
  

• How can you assist someone who is experiencing violence or has been raped?

  
  

• What resources do you have in your area that you can refer  women to?

My Affirmation for Living:

I raise my sense of personal value, 

as I was born under a singing star.

I accept my Divine birthright and revel in the abundance of the

Universe that constantly fulfills my every claim.

I honour who I am - a spiritual woman of God living in

 this time and space.

And, so It is…Amen!!!

Song: You Got the Power by Patricia Watson 

Patricia Watson Sings Her Song.

Patricia Watson - Singer/Song Writer/Spiritual Practitioner/winner of The African Nova Scotia Music Association's "Rising Star" award, has been singing gospel music and jazz most of her life.

Discover Patricia's offerings: http://www.patwatsonsings.com

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