The Gifts of a Dark Night of the Soul

My life, right now, is abundant, rich and truly satisfying in so many wonderful ways. Love, family, lifestyle, friendships and in other areas. I owe this awareness to: A Dark Night of the Soul. I stand in deep gratitude for the magic of this important event that occurred in my life. 

My life completely unravelled in 2020. As I'm sure so many of you can attest to this. Here’s the roll call for 2020: COVID pandemic, the heartbreaking loss of two beloved siblings. Relocated from California to Ireland. Leaving behind 35 years of residence in California. Not to mention my loving friends, my spiritual community and a lifestyle I enjoyed. 

The Irish countryside was beautiful. The Irish people were so friendly and kind.

Every day I was with my granddaughter who was only three at the time.

Wow! Wonderful you say?

Quite the opposite. I suddenly found myself in a very dark and sad place. Which is truly a foreign emotional state for me. Nothing was making me happy. Things that normally brought me joy only left me feeling numb and void of emotion. By day I was the household cheerleader. At night a sad mess often crying myself to sleep. What in the world was wrong with me?

I was fortunate to have strong connections to my spiritual community in Oakland, CA. I consulted with my pastor, my prayer partner and close friends. It finally dawned on me that I was experiencing a Dark Night of the Soul!! All of my losses, unprocessed grief and unacknowledged grief had thrust me into a dark night of the soul. 

I found myself resonating with the teachings of Micheal Beckwith on Dark Night of the Soul. The question that he poses is: if this situation doesn’t end, what qualities must I develop to be at peace with this situation? Second, his advice is to continue doing things for others. 

The two qualities that I identified were: patience and listening. Listening to self and others. As a RScP offering Spiritual guidance and as a Grief coach, listening is vital. On the other hand, I knew that Listening is my superpower and has always been. Listening allows me to connect with others in a heart centered way. I know that in order to heal we need a safe place to share what’s in our hearts and what’s on our minds. 

The second piece of advice: continue to do things for others. I took this to heart. When I attended an online informational class given by CSL, on starting a Spiritual Living Circle they had me in the first 5 minutes. Instinctively I knew this was for me. I so resonate with being in sacred service. When I’m in sacred service I feel aligned with my life purpose. 

I took this advice into meditation and contemplation. I continued to allow myself to feel my sadness and joyless moments. I found solace in Art. I could be with the dark thoughts, the sadness and tearful times while immersed in an Art project. I began confiding to my close friends what I was feeling and experiencing. 

When this dark night of the soul first descended on me I had no idea that grief was the culprit that demanded my attention so intensely. It revealed itself slowly over time as I shared my story, as I had my story validated and heard. I began to see all of the losses I had endured in a short period of time. Each loss required its individual time of grief and grieving. Grief’s superpower is healing! 

Fast forward…I now have the Spiritual Living Circle. This will be our fourth year in November. The richness and depth of love, respect and friendship we share is beyond description. I enjoy and come alive in the company of these like minded spirits. A year out from this dark time my weekly broadcast Your Doula for Grief was birthed. 

This is truly a living example of the transformative powers of grief! I am standing in awe of that part of me that experienced the Dark Night of the Soul. I applaud and bow down to her resilience. 

My prayer in sharing my story is that, if you are finding yourself in the midst of a dark night of the soul, you find support, encouragement and or comfort in my story. All is not lost during a dark night of the soul.

In the words of Rumi:

It may be clearing you out for a new delight. With love, Bonnie 

Your Doula for Grief 

Bonnie Gonzalez is a Registered Nurse, RScP, Professional Life coach, Licensed SoulCollage® Facilitator, and a Doula for Grief. In addition she is also a Grief workshop facilitator and Grief educator. Bonnie has a private coaching practice, specializing in Grief. Seeing clients one on one and in group settings. Meetings are in person and virtual. Bonnie is currently living in Mexico with her husband Tito.