I was for many years what I would call a Recovering Perfectionist. It used to drive my family, my friends mad and yet until I knew better, striving for this perfectionism felt in some way good.
Perhaps it was the fact that from my Scottish and Protestant background we are immersed in the belief that a good person works hard.
And for me, working hard = making sure whatever I did was the very best I could do.
I remember with a gentle smile now two fun moments at school.
The first one was when I was called out of class to go to the Headmaster’s office – wow, was I scared as I had absolutely no idea why. It turned out there was a painting competition and they had selected two pupils with the best handwriting to write the titles of the paintings and the names of the artists.
Let’s just say I didn’t want to disappoint. So I started writing, rubbed it out, and started again more than once …. resulting I there being a hole in the paper … .
The second incident was when I was selected to run in the 100m relay race. Yes, I was quite sporty when I was younger. 😊 As this was an official race with other schools, we had starting blocks and we were asked to trace a line in front of them with our shoes.
Overzealous, I ended up digging a small trench which the organiser had to quickly fill in before the race could start. 🤣 I can laugh now at the scene but at the time I was so embarrassed as I was holding up the whole race.
Throughout most of my adult years I also felt this need to prove to others, and to myself, that I was good enough, meeting their expectations. Anything less than perfect or as near as I could make it, seems as if I was not really committed or dependable.
Was this always easy?
Not at all. In addition to the feeling right, there was a deep level of stress, consciously looking at how I could perform the best I could no matter the situation.
This was true in so many of my daily life situations.
Which reminds me of another scene. We had invited friends of ours, a Scottish family, for lunch.
This, of course meant that the house had to be cleaned, tidied, and looking and feeling the best it could. I was racing around as usual doing this and making the lunch. The table had to be presented nicely and my husband, son and I had to get changed before they arrived.
Their car arrived downstairs and our son went down to welcome them. He was about 11-12 years old at the time. Our friend, the mother asked Philip how I was.
His answer She is so stressed. Out of the mouth of bairns. 🤣 My friend came in and shared what he had said, and I then burst out laughing.
Who was I trying to pretend to be?
Why was I playing this role – one that I could have played in such a more relaxed way.
Of course, in these days I wasn’t really aware of the energy around us all which radiates out, no matter how we try to hide it with our words, our actions. The truth is always there.
How often do we pretend, in the hope that others won’t notice?
How often do we find ourselves being critical, judgemental of the way in which we are showing up in the world?
To what end?
To be more loved?
More appreciated?
By whom?
What if the only way to show who we are is to be who we are – and to allow this to be the one and only expression that radiates out from us?
I heard about an MIT study on energy and vibrations, and how we are attracted or not to them.
It turned out that Authenticity was the one that people are most attracted to.
From a spiritual point of view, this makes perfect sense. When we are aligned with who we are, we are aligned with Source, with our Soul. And everyone, no matter where, no matter who, I believe is deep down looking for this and is therefore attracted to those who show this in their way of being.
At times when we see someone else being whole, truly themselves, we may feel a sense of envy, or sadness when we start to look at our own lives. We may feel vulnerable, afraid to open up to who we are. Perhaps these are just gentle nudges from our Soul to step forward and being who we truly are.
Brené Brown has carried out powerful research on Vulnerability and Authenticity.
Embracing Vulnerability: Brown's research highlights that vulnerability is not a weakness but an essential aspect of authentic living. Embracing vulnerability leads to deeper connections and a fuller experience of life's joys and struggles.
How I wish I had known this when I was younger. I know that everything happens in Divine Time, so maybe I just was not ready to open to this. It is true that when I see someone sharing about something they feel worried or anxious about, my heart opens up – sometimes too much. My other Recovering title is Recovering Saviour. 🤣
The Power of Authenticity: Being genuine and true to oneself fosters stronger relationships and a deeper sense of belonging. Authenticity involves embracing one's imperfections and accepting them as part of the human experience.
So, I do not need to feel bad about making holes in these paintings? 🤣
Shame Resilience: A significant component of Brown’s work is understanding and combating shame. She proposes that developing resilience to shame involves being open about it, and fostering a sense of worthiness.
I am good enough. A fun way of saying this affirmation is to put emphasis on a different word each time, e.g. I am good enough. I AM good enough. I am GOOD enough. I am good ENOUGH.
Impact on Well-being: Authenticity and vulnerability positively affect mental health, leading to increased happiness, reduced anxiety and depression, and greater life satisfaction.
In other words, living a joy-filled authentic life.
And all we have to do is to be ourselves. How simple can that be?
So, whenever I hear that little voice saying No, Linda. You need to do more, be more, I now smile, give thanks for this reminder to say out loud to myself
Yes, Linda. You are more than enough, just the way you are’
And you?
As a spiritual alignment coach, Linda Orr Easo helps people to reconnect with who they truly are to create the life they consciously create. Linda is a coach, consultant, trainer, Reiki Master, with over 25 years in leadership experience in large multicultural organisations.
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