The Wisdom of Anger

DIVINE CEO MAGAZINE

The goal is to get to the root of the anger. Only when you understand the source can you find a solution.”— Arun Gandhi

In the midst of anger, it may be difficult to see its beautiful gifts. Even the idea that anger can be viewed as a gift is strange and repulsive to many people – maybe even for many of you reading this article. After all, who wants to be angry? Why would we want to spend any time in the experience of anger? Anger is undesirable and it is hurtful.

Above all, it is NOT positive. And we want to be positive.Anger is certainly such an intense experience for many people, and it can render them paralyzed to act, whether they are witnessing anger in another or experiencing their own anger. Many cultures do not prepare us to be able to handle anger. We are taught that anger is dangerous. However, it is simply one of the emotions in the range of human emotions. The ability to handle anger—to experience it and process it or to witness it and generate curiosity—is an integral part of the tool kit of the whole and healthy adult. Yet so many of us are missing that key skill.

Why Anger is Misunderstood

Instead of being able to unpack our anger, we push it down or project it out. And when faced with an angry person, we judge them as unstable or unregulated instead of getting curious or holding space for what might be under that which is showing up in front of us. In truth, anger is like any other emotion. It is an expression of our feelings.Anger paralyzes us because, if we have not developed the skills to cope with anger, it sends us into our amygdala—that part of our brain responsible for our flight, fight, fright, or freeze reaction—when there is a perceived concern for our safety and survival.

When the amygdala is hijacked, it can be very difficult for the brain to make its way to a place of logic where curiosity can be cultivated. Only through curiosity can we begin to understand what is happening for us and for others when anger shows itself.Women are particularly prone to misunderstand anger because we are taught that good girls don’t express anger.

We are taught to hold it in and stuff it down with silence, food, shame, alcohol… and the list goes on. We turn our strong feelings into enemies, and the inevitable outcome is dis-ease of some sort. Our intense feelings have to go somewhere, and they often end up inside, causing havoc on our organs and body processes. We are not rewarded for our directness nor our willingness to face head-on the discomfort of the real unpacking of such intense emotions… so discomfort turns to disease.

Anger as Intelligent Information

We are truly wise beings. The mind knows. The body obeys. When we can see anger as a gift of intelligent information upon which we can choose to act, we can see that it is simply and truly a source of wisdom, like all emotions. When anger shows up, it carries important information with it. It may show up as an intense expression of frustration, a signal of unmet expectations, a fear of loss expressing itself, or surprise at unexpected circumstances.However anger displays itself, we can learn a lot from it. We can learn from our behavior patterns and the patterns of others. We can learn what cues the universe is trying to tell us. We can learn what is at the edge of our own consciousness. We can learn of our humanness.

When Anger is Destructive

Anger is destructive when we don’t know how to access our own emotions behind the expression of anger, and we are unable to recognize that anger is simply a messenger in others. When faced with anger, our natural response as humans is to either shut down in the face of intensity and discomfort or to rise up and meet the other person at their level of intensity. Both of these reactions will result in uncontrollable and unpredictable outcomes.When anger is not balanced with curiosity, it can grow in intensity and become destructive from its sheer volume of energy. Anger is dynamic, fast, and sharp energy. It must be met with curiosity, patience, and willingness in order that it slows down, calms down, and curves down. In the metaphysics of the movement of anger, meeting with a stone wall is not helpful. Alchemy—not absence—is required.

When Anger is a Creative Force

Since anger holds intensity and force within it, it has the capacity to be converted into other positive expressions such as excitement, generosity, power, movement, or ambition. Anger is often a signal that something is not working or not measuring up. This is a call for change. It is an invitation to create new ways of thinking and doing. Anger is a generative source of innovation, strategy, and invention in business and in life. It produces the opportunity to consider different options that might not find their way to consideration in less intense circumstances. Anger produces the environment for these considerations.

Do TRY This at Home

So, the next time that you are faced with an angry moment—yours or someone else’s—stop yourself from running or reacting. Instead, get calm and get curious. Move into observation and ask yourself,

What preceded this experience? and Where have I seen this before? 

In order to accept the wisdom of anger in any given moment, we must be willing to be in observation and draw on the curiosity that is being honed in our adult communication toolkit.

Give it a try… you will gain perspective and insight that will help you move out of the drama and intensity of anger to accept the gift of the wisdom that is present for you.

This version should feel a bit more aligned with your request! Let me know if any other tweaks are needed.

Sonia Byrne is a Mindful Leadership Consultant working with non-profit boards, leadership teams and entrepreneurial incubators to promote self-awareness and leadership discernment through assessments, workshops and retreat experiences. See more offerings at www.mindfulleadershipforsuccess.com